What Happened

It's taken me some time to finally decide to share what went on in my Board of Ordained Ministries (BOM) interview back in February. I want to make something very clear first, there were valid concerns that BOM raised, and I have no doubt that many of the individuals in that committee do care about me and my ministry, yet in my opinion there are some other forces that were at work in the interview as well. There were a number of questions in the interview that, looking back, I deem to be unfair either in the way they were spoken or in the subsequent clarification for the question. One particular question that bothered me was intended to be theological in nature, but was asked as a ministry related question. For instance (this is not the question) if someone comes to you and confesses they are cheating on their wife, what do you do? In my answer would be, while I disagree with what the individual is doing, I would try to affirm that everyone makes mistakes and even when we make mistakes we are still loved by God. I would then proceed onto, "what are we going to do about this?" The problem is this is not considered a ministry question, it's a theology question and what I should have said, an made explicit, is the sinful nature of what is happening and then try and find the three forms of Wesleyan grace working somehow in this individuals life. To me that is a reflection after the ministry has occurred, but I was wrong.

Another part of the interview that I felt was un-fair was when I was asked about my call to ministry. One of the central events to my spiritual development is the death of Leddia Caleb, any high school friends on facebook could affirm this. Immediately after I was asked about my call to ministry it was stated, "Don't tell us about the death of your friend, we know all about that." When one of the central stories to your call and faith development is automatically disqualified from being talked about, why I still don't have an idea, it makes it difficult to recover your bearings, let alone share your call. I have been very upset and frustrated with everything that went on in the interview, but have resigned myself to working as hard as I can for next year. To my friends who are ministers or who have the possibility of serving on BOM in the future, remember something for me. If someone is told to come back next year and interview again, don't tell them that when BOM deliberated over you that there was a "lot of love" in the room. I understand the intent of the words, and as I stated at the beginning of this post, I do believe there were those present who cared about me, but don't hand me something that stinks and tell me its roses. It's not, stop pretending, let me be pissed and the let me move on (which I have done).

Some of you may be wondering, "If he's moved on why is he posting about it?" It's because I keep getting questions, so I wanted to give my version and what is happening so I don't have to relive every detail of the story. I appreciate the prayers and the condolences but there is (at least for me) something to be said for honestly and keeping everything in the open.

There is one final item I want to talk about. So far I have talked about things that actually happened, but in my opinion another key part of the problem is age discrimination. I am twenty eight, and was the youngest person up for ordination this year, the average age of the other provisioners being in the late forties. No one can tell me that my essays will be on par with those of a fifty year old, and you can't tell me that the members of BOM don't compare them (even though everyone will try to tell you). The primary problem is that I don't have the experiences of a fifty year old and therefore my writing reflects that. My opinion is also that as I sat around the table the average age of the ministers and lay people interviewing me was in the mid to high fifties, they have a closer identity to the second career, forty plus year olds who are in the process, not to me. I've grown up with technology; all of them haven't (which is a problem in the church). I didn't live during the civil rights movement (like some of them had), I have had to garner my own experiences from the here and now. There is nothing that anyone can do about this, but it is a shame that our church claims diversity, except when that diversity doesn't already look like the diversity they have. Young, handicapped need not apply. I will keep moving forward, but in my heart there is a ticking clock on this issue, I won't keep waiting until I'm an "acceptable" age. I'll do the best I can, and see what happens from there.